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Daddy has to be a master of distraction if he wants to protect his brood. Children are constantly running into situations
and temptations that seem irresistable in the moment. Rational warnings and stearn limitations only shine forbidden fruit.
Sometimes you need to take a lower road. Slight of hand and downright fibbery can be invaluable tools in child management.
This is perhaps the one area in which men are more naturally gifted than woman. It really comes down to knowing your audience
and telling them what they want to hear.
Woman are by nature honest and communicative (Example; Did you see what a clumsy adjective I just used? “Communicative”,
come on. A woman would express this sentiment far better because they cared). Men by nature would prefer to abbreviate
everything. If you can say it with two words why use twenty? If you can avoid the subject completely, better yet. This
apparent personal shortcoming can be a gold mine when dealing with little cubs. Logic and discussion are losing propositions
with a three year old.
Let's cut to an intelligent housewife pleading her case to a crying baby who is tearing pages out of her wedding album.
Mommy; "Sweetie, this has tremendous intrinsic value to mommy and someday it will to you too.... Now, now, that's
your Auntie when she still had hair. You don't want to ruin her picture do you?.... Okay, that's your daddy's nephew Vince.
Can you believe he brought two guests and gave a ten dollar gift.... Please sweetie, for the love of God, I'm beggin' you."
Okay, that is a winning argument and it wins without any risk of psychological damage. Unfortunately the frontal lobe
of a three year old, where moral and conscientious evaluations are made, is still applying for a building permit. Remember
that you can keep it simple without leaving any scars.
Now let's cut to Daddy, pointing to the other side of the room while firmly grabbing the wedding album.
Daddy; "Look sweetie, a bunny."
Now some might argue that this could teach a child to blur reality, to develop an unwarranted skepticism or maybe even
believe that wild rodents dwell in their homes. I however, usually find that by the time they finish looking for the bunny
they have moved on to looking for candy. Probably no harm, definitely no foul.
The 'Bunny' technique certainly is a one-trick pony but like most ponies it can hold the attention of a kid up until at
least four years old. After a while though you may have to sell the concept a little harder.
Daddy; "Look, it's a bunny. I mean it this time!"
This enhanced version should buy you at least another year of success. Never change an old favorite too fast or it might
not be a favorite anymore. However the kindergarten-plus crowd will start to pick up on your mind tricks and you do not
want to get labeled a big fibber. Now that you are putting your professional credibility on the line you have got to start
laying the groundwork for stage three.
In stage three you go very broad.
"Oh my God, look, it's a giant bunny... and it wants to ....tickle your feet!"
By stage three 'Bunny' has become an inside joke. While they realize that you are fibbing, the children will still drop
whatever they are doing to pretend to look for the bunny. They understand that they are merely mining rare attention from
Daddy and that is more than enough payoff for them. This can stretch the weakest of distractions well into the elementary
school years.
You will find yourself confronted with far more complicated situations than the one I've described here but the philosophy
of distraction can work under all conditions if you understand it's basic component. Children will drop anything to interact
with Daddy. Your attention is the most valuable coin in their realm. They are the easiest audience any comedian could
imagine so enjoy it. As they get older they will be a tougher crowd so start working on your material early.
Read more from the Reinvented Daddy here.
Dedicated to the Reinvented Mommy
If you're not getting credit for raising the kids right maybe you can get credit for ... getting credit?
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